Why I run
That is a question that I seriously ask myself each time I start to run. I’ve been running since I was a sophomore in high school. I was on the track team. I honestly only signed up for a sport because I HATED having PE early to mid-morning. I worried that my hair and makeup would get messed up. A friend of mine told me to sign up for track and I thought why not. It seemed like the easiest sport to do and I was willing to do anything to get out of PE. I only ran track for a year and dropped it my Junior year.
Years go by and who would have known that at age 26 I would start running again. I would run pretty much every day with Brandon. I only ran because I had gained so much weight after getting married and was determined to get back into shape. Also, I started to do OCR type races. I was in the best shape that I have ever been. Many years later and who knows how many injuries from doing OCR, I was over the sport. I found yoga and wanted to focus on it.
Slowly over the years, I started to run less and less. Brandon got into running ultras and I decided to just be his number one supporter/only pit crew member at all his races. Pretty soon I was not doing jack shit in running! We started our business Run Free Running Club, which is to help motivate others to be active, connect with themselves, and really be comfortable with running at whatever level they are at. It’s funny how I’m a co-founder of our business and I can’t even be out practicing what are companies' values are all about. Maybe I have lost that aspect of myself of why I really run. Have I lost that connection to running out in nature? Most importantly I have lost that connection to myself! I constantly compare myself Brandon (who by the way is a fucking human machine when it comes to running!). What should it matter if he is a better runner than me or faster or stronger? It’s shouldn’t even be about that. It finally clicked in my head; I was never present with myself when I would go out for runs. I guess I had never found that connection out in nature or to myself.
I consider myself very spiritual and I practice what I believe daily, but why is it hard for myself to practice this while I run. I always hear or watch people talk about their connection to God and higher self, well I haven’t experienced that ever. Even our dog Cody seems to get the concept of that! Now that I’m not as active as I used to be, I see Brandon run and think to myself, I really need to get back into running. I’m not sure why I entirely stopped? I thought it would be a good and crazy ass idea that I should start running ultras. Reminder that I have not ran in about two years! I started to run and ease my way into the sport again. Each time I ran, something would hurt or thought why the hell I am running, and why did I mention to Brandon that I would run an ultra? This is just insane! I ache, I hate it, I’m mentally breaking down. I see Brandon running like nothing and I’m on the inside fucking dying. I want to just cry and stop! Here we go again with the comparisons and I have told myself over and over to quit saying negative things to myself.
Last week Brandon told me to write this on why I love to run. I was really trying to avoid writing because I really did not have an answer. I can’t sit here and lie. Brandon is training me to be a better, faster, and stronger running (this is what I want) and he sure does give me the tough love! He pushes me because he sees what a good runner I can be and has faith in me. As he’s training me last week, I’m running up a hill and just start going. Pretty soon I’m just running up the hill by myself (Brandon and Cody got distracted by the cute puppies walking by). I started to cry as I run and heard a voice say “You don’t need anyone to make you a better runner, you already are an amazing human being. All you need is to believe that you can do it.” I FINALLY heard what it means to connect. As I write this, I can’t help to cry. It was such a beautiful and powerful message for myself to hear. I run because I believe in myself. I run because I do actually love it. I love the way the breeze feels while running, the memories I’m making with my family and friends, seeing Cody’s adorable shark face smile, and hearing the voice of God. I can go on and on now on my reasons why I love to run, but I’ll just keep it simple. Always have faith and believe that you can do it.